As I get older, I am recognizing that on my journey of seeking love, peace and harmony, there are times when I don’t communicate well at all. I try to avoid things or call it picking my battle or simply say, I don’t want to deal with it. But, for my mental health, I don’t have that luxury because whether I choose to deal with “it,” or not, somehow “it” ends up dealing with me. Unresolved issues have a way of seeping out when I least expect them. So, I am an advocate of- rock the boat, tip the boat over- in other words, “just say it.”
Why just say it? Because sometimes we need to get things off our chest instead of them having the internal volcano effect. Case in point, I know a woman in her fifties who is scared to have a conversation with her mom about who her real father is because the person she was told doesn’t add up. She thinks it’s not the kind of conversation you should have with your mother. I think, if not her, then who?
Why just say it? Because sometimes we tell ourselves stories that may be very different from what is actually happening. Here is an example of one of those times. My son is responsible for taking out the garbage. Week after week I “corrected,” without him seeing me, the way he placed the handle of the garbage bin. In my mind, to help the garbage collectors, the handle should face the street so they can grab it easily. I am thinking to myself, why doesn’t he pay attention, be more considerate? I eventually asked him why he didn’t place the handle the way I do. And he said, because the directions on the bin say to place the handle the way he does. Oh, so all this time I thought he was being inconsiderate, I was the one not paying attention.
I could go on and on with examples of moments when having a conversation with someone totally changed what I was thinking for the better. Times when I was carrying around unnecessary resentment, worry, fear or whatever. Refusing to have a conversation about something to not rock the boat does not serve me very well. Actually, that’s kind of futile for me because if I am not communicating with my words, my face is telling you everything you need to know. And that boat that I am not supposed to be rocking is crashing against thoughts in my mind that eventually set my lips, or my actions, a loose. And even if I try a poker face, in my experience, what I think usually seeps out of me anyway, whether through action, energy, or words.
Some people say the way you get if off your chest is also important and I agree- definitely no violence! And try to say it a constructive way… I am definitely a work in progress there. And, yes, I am referring to personal relationships, relationships with your boss, they are another story, unless you are independently wealthy.
Conversations can be very difficult but are often necessary for clarity, to stop the nonsense story I have in my head or simply to get something off my chest so it doesn’t consume me. There are useful and meaningful conversations that can be had when I “just say it.”
