All posts by Shirley

Enlightened Leadership – A New Way To Lead In The 21st Century

The current volatile, uncertain, chaotic and ambiguous (VUCA) world requires a new type of leader and a new type of employee. It requires enlightened beings. Enlightened beings are ones who are wise, compassionate and empathetic and can thrive in a constantly changing world.

The ACADEMi of Life has a vision of Companies lead by Compassionate Empathetic Officers, with employees who are wise, compassionate and empathetic. These organizations will be “too GOOD to fail.” Our contribution to the vision is that we will introduce a new corporate experiential program aimed at increasing positivity and well-being at work.

Why we will provide the Program

We know that:

  •  Individual happiness and organizational success are inextricably linked.
  • After analyzing more than 450,000 Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index (GHWBI), responses, two top scientists at Princeton University determined that happiness is actually the result of the fulfillment of two abstract psychological states — emotional wellbeing and life evaluation.
  • 73% of Americans describe themselves as not engaged or actively disengaged at work when questioned in a Gallup Poll about how happiness and well-being affect their job performance.
  • A recent Harvard study shows that only 25% of a person’s job success is predicted based upon their general intelligence and technical skills
  • The other 75% of a person’s job success is based on their emotional intelligence and well-being, demonstrated in traits (soft-skills) such as: resilience, equanimity, ability to make social connection and build trusting relationships, ability to inspire and understand people, ability to recognize and correct shortcomings, compassion, optimism and empathy.
  • A 2012 IBM CEO study conducted with 1,700 CEO’s in 64 countries confirms the Harvard findings. It reveals that the CEO’s consistently highlighted four personal characteristics or traits (soft-skills) most critical for employees’ future success: collaboration, communication, flexibility and creativity. These CEO’s are looking for ‘Future Proof Employees,’ ones with the above traits who can thrive in our connected and constantly changing world.
  • Other studies have shown that emotional competencies are twice as important in contributing to excellence as pure intellect or expertise.

More details of our program will be released in Fall of 2012. Tell us what you think!

SELF LOVE:The Perfect Valentine’s Day Gift

Mastering the Art of Loving Self

Andrew Young’s book ‘The Politician’, is a morality tale of his journey with John Edwards. It’s a tale of greed, power, fame, narcissism, lust, hubris and hero worship. It’s a great read…can’t believe I am acknowledging this…but it is! It’s the classic story of the sinner and the saint, self-discovery and the quest for self-love. I am moved to include an excerpt from the book since my summarization would not do it justice …he writes…

“Late one night as my father lay dying, I sat alone with him and turned for comfort to some audio recordings of his old sermons. The first one I heard included the following passage, preached in his deep and familiar voice:

Love yourself. Know yourself. Accept yourself. Most of us, me included, never learn that to ‘love yourself,” you must first see and understand your own failings, accept them without shame, and learn to consider them as you move through life. If I had truly loved my-self, I wouldn’t have been ashamed of my own mistakes and lived in fear of being found out. If I had loved myself, I wouldn’t have felt the need to devote myself to a hero and his cause.

In my father’s sermon, he also said that too many of us get caught up in trying to be ‘little Jesuses.” By this he meant we try to be perfect, the way we imagine Christ was, and judge ourselves without mercy when we fail. Better, he said, to try to be a “big you” rather than a little Jesus. In fact, he thought that was all God ever expected of any human being.

With my dad’s help, I know now the difference between understanding human nature – the combination of good and evil – and being able to love yourself and others through it all.”As I reflect on the word LOVE on this Valentine’s Day, this book confirms what I have always known; that the greatest love affair we will ever have is the one we pursue with ourselves. Learning to love ourselves first, with all our flaws and imperfections is the greatest love of all, and is an essential practice to ensure a life successfully lived.

Are You Living A Life With No Regrets?

As we grow older, it’s not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn’t do.

This article was written by Bronnie Ware, a palliative care worker who cared for numerous end of life patients. She learned overtime that they shared common regrets which could be summarized in 5 basic themes:

The Top 5 Regrets

1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way.

From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.

Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
This is a surprisingly common one.Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.”

Thank you Bronnie Ware for sharing these powerful and wise insights!

The ONE

The Awakening of the Human Being

Did you know that this year we will experience four unusual dates: 1/1/11; 1/11/11; 11/1/11 and 11/11/11? And did you know that if you take the last two digits of the year you were born and add that to the age that you will be this year, you will most likely get the number 111? Is it time to remember our ONENESS?

Below, I am sharing a very deep, profound, unedited commentary from my sister Paulette called ‘The One’. She wrote this a few months ago as a contribution to a book I am writing. After re-reading this content a few days ago, I thought how appropriate it would be to share this commentary in light of the upcoming days of 11/1/11 and 11/11/11. Read it with an open mind, enjoy and take the challenge!

In the beginning there was only ONE!

The One divided itself into many so that it could experience itself in many different ways. In this part of the universe, on our planet, the beings that inhabited this planet chose to forget that there was only ONE and that each individual has a part of the ONE original beginning.

So we decided as a group to hide our original creative ability. Let’s suppose that each individual has a part of the original one and as soon as we remember our spiritual heritage then we get back to the original ONE powerful creative impulse that began the whole universe.

The universe of course has many many different planets and other realities but on this part of the universe, the place we call earth, this ball floating in space, that we call home, is the most material aspect of all of creation. We have pretty much forgotten who and what we are.

So let us remind ourselves that we are also beings floating in space on planet earth with a reality that is 70% spirit 25% mind and 5% body. Most of us are seduced primarily by the reality of what we feel, see, touch, hear and smell not realizing behind this physical reality is a higher order of things that is the only reason why we exist.

We are at a point in our evolution where each and every one of us needs to remember our home, our lineage, the place from where we came. Acknowledge this and become ONE again. It is time for each and every one of us to take responsibility to connect to our original creative, primordial energy beginnings.

How does one do this? This is not something that anyone can prove to you. This is a solo journey into the memory of yourself and the most effective way to get back to the original pattern of yourself is through stillness, meditation and quiet acknowledgement of yourself.

So we are actually made up of physical matter and energetic matter. The physical matter comes from bio chemicals…the accumulation of atoms, electrons neutrons etc. which are then built up to proteins and molecules and they form a vehicle which is inter-penetrated with this electrical magnetic energy which is spirit.

Even though we may not know and acknowledge this, it is because of this electromagnetic the spiritual aspects of ourselves that we live and breathe. So our job as human beings is to acknowledge and pay tribute to that inner electromagnetic spiritual aspect which informs the physical body.

It takes less than 1% of the collective of the people on the planet to be on the same page in order to activate the fruits of the spirit which equals peace, harmony, love, faith, hope, charity, abundance and service. All the attributes that are positive and not chaotic. Can we create an induction of the rest of the population if about 1% of the population of the planet is coherent meaning they are on the same wavelength?

Each and every one of us should challenge ourselves to be the ONE that tips the scale to experience positivity and peace and harmony on the planet.

My Life Lessons from Steve Jobs Death

What is the Definition of a Life Successfully Lived?

I was genuinely sad when I heard of Steve Jobs’s passing and immediately got on my social media platforms and defined him as a genius, an inspiration and declared his life a shining example of a life successfully lived.

As the founder of a social enterprise, The ACADEMi of Life, a place of ‘higher learning’, I quickly began to second guess my initial response and found myself asking a deeper question: who was Steve Jobs and what did he stand for? I was very clear that he was an iconoclast, a design and marketing genius who created products people loved. He understood us and knew what we wanted and needed. I fell in love with his entire product line because he created them with love. I believe the reason so many people love his products, is that we could feel the love in them. And, who doesn’t want to be surrounded by love.

What was not so clear however was the nagging question of why he was stricken with cancer? Cancer I know is a disease that even in oversimplification represents dis-ease…a word that indicates someone who is ‘out of ease.’ I consulted my library and pulled a book I frequently reference when I am suffering from any type of ailment, the New York Times bestseller, You Can Heal Your Life. This book, by author Louise Hay, has a listing of every possible disease and the related probable causes.

I looked up cancer and its probable cause was: ‘Deep hurt, longstanding resentment and a deep secret or grief eating away at the self…carrying hatreds.’ I recently read a Steve Jobs article which included this statement: Jobs ‘has refused to speak to his biological father, despite the father’s efforts to contact Jobs. He was quoted as saying, “This might sound strange, though, but I am not prepared, even if either of us was on our deathbeds, to pick up the phone to call him.” One is left to wonder whether he was really ever able to get over his adoption…ever able to forgive and release his past. Could the pouring of all his love into his products without replenishing and understanding his emotional needs, finally cost him his life?

So what has his death taught me?

  • Being talented, smart and financially successful is only part of the success equation.
  • Denying the surges of fear, hurt or revulsion that we may feel daily, only serve to ignore a most complimentary and essential realm of self…our inner reconciliation…the other part of the success equation.

As David Brooks reminds us in his recent book, The Social Animal, ‘most success stories are told at the surface level of life.’ But if we look one level down, to the ‘unconscious realm of emotions’ we are reminded that we are far less rational and far more emotional that our success stories reveal. As such, in order to experience a full and happy life it stands to reason that “a life successfully lived” is one that strikes the correct balance between matters of the heart and head.

I suppose I am not sure of all the correlations between ease and dis-ease but as a person who strives to understand the inner self, I truly believe that it is just as important for us to strengthen our inner minds as it is for us to build great products and billion dollar organizations with our outer minds.

Maybe someday soon we will be able to articulate to ourselves and to our children the true definition of a life successfully lived! RIP, Steve Jobs.

Image from exame.abril.com.br

Getting To Happy

I believe that people should be happy, and have the right to be happy. Happiness is an essential ingredient to our success.

A recent Harvard study http://bit.ly/pxylJk concluded that happiness is the single greatest competitive advantage in the 21st century. They suggest that if you are happy first success will follow. In other words, success does not make you happy but happiness makes you successful.

But do we really know what makes us happy?

Many of us spend most of our lives developing and valuing our first class education, our high powered career and our ability to collect material things. As a society this has become how we measure and define success. But do these achievements really make us happy? Everyone knows people who are brilliant yet unhappy or financially successful and unhappy. I know from my own life that a first class education, owning my own business and acquiring lots of material things did not bring me the fulfillment and joy that I thought they would.

The same Harvard study estimated that having a good education and great technical skills contribute only 25% of our success at work and in life. To be successful in work and life, there are other character traits that we must possess. So what are these traits? They include optimism, emotional resilience, empathy, the ability to make social connections and viewing stress as a challenge instead of as a threat. The study calls these traits the “silent 75%.” The “silent 75%.” are generally viewed as ‘soft skills’ and their long term importance to our happiness is routinely undervalued.

The study, however, concludes that long-term success at work and in life “is based upon our ability to positively adapt to the world”; to be happy, joyful and optimistic, since we are more likely to achieve our full potential when we are feeling positive. As a culture we need to focus on these ‘soft skills’- the silent 75% – and all of us should seek to build and strengthen these traits within us in order to be more joyful human beings. To be truly happy and therefore successful requires the right balance between our rational and emotional skills.

Despite achieving in my education and career I had a realization that I simply wasn’t as happy as I wanted to be. My joy was limited despite the material abundance around me and my successes didn’t fulfill me the way I had expected. I began to make a very conscious effort to focus on doing things that fed my spirit. I decided to focus on the things that brought me more happiness and joy – like making sure I have dinner with a friend at least once a week, connecting daily with family members by phone or in person and doing work that is meaningful and engaging.

I believe that happiness is found deep within, that it comes from our soul and not from external things. So take a peek inside and find your joy. The journey of self-discovery can be very personal and private and each person has to determine what truly makes them happy. But take comfort in knowing that this is important and essential work to ‘get to happy.’

Below are eleven happiness boosters outlined by Shawn Achor, the author of The Happiness Advantage. Try them out and see how you feel:

1. Smile
2. Open doors
3. Offer a seat at your table in a busy cafe
4. Make eye contact
5. Start a conversation with someone who looks lonely
6. Listen
7. Have deep meaningful conversations
8. Give money to beggars without conditions attached
9. Try and put a positive spin on a bad situation
10. Meditate so you are calmer for your family
11. Volunteer for someone who really needs it

I know many of these have worked for me! Which of these work best for you?

Original post written for Joy Campaign August 2011.

THE BRAIN

The Most Mysterious Part of the Human Body

In honor of stroke awareness month, The ACADEMi of Life presents an Evening in Conversation with Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor a Harvard trained brain scientist who studied her own stroke as it happened and lived to tell this astonishing story. Details of the event on 5/11/11 in NYC at http://bit.ly/dF3CoQ

Take a look at this amazing musical video: An ODE to the BRAIN featuring Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor by The Symphony of Science, which is a musical project designed to deliver scientific knowledge and philosophy in musical form http://bit.ly/euurgM. The words to the song in the video are below.

It’s amazing to consider that I’m holding in my hands
The place where someone once felt, thought, and loved
For centuries, scientists have been battling to understand
What this unappealing object is all about

Here is this mass of jelly
You can hold in the palm of your hands
And it can contemplate the vastness of interstellar space

The brain has evolved from the inside out
It’s structure reflects all the stages through which it has passed

Information in the form of energy
Streams in simultaneously
Through all of our sensory systems

And then it explodes into this enormous collage
Of what this present moment looks like
What it feels like
And what it sounds like

And then it explodes into this enormous collage
And in this moment we are perfect
We are whole and we are beautiful

It appears rather gruesome
Wrinkled like a walnut, and with the consistency of mushroom
What we know is encoded in cells called neurons
And there are something like a hundred trillion neural connections
This intricate and marvelous network of neurons has been called
An enchanted loom

The neurons store sounds too, and snatches of music
Whole orchestras play inside our heads

20 million volumes worth of information
Is inside the heads of every one of us
The brain is a very big place
In a very small space

No longer at the mercy of the reptile brain
We can change ourselves
Think of the possibilities

Think of your brain as a newspaper
Think of all the information it can store
But it doesn’t take up too much room
Because it’s folded

We see with the eyes
But we see with the brain as well
And seeing with the brain
Is often called imagination

It is the most mysterious part of the human body
And yet it dominates the way we live our adult lives
It is the brain!

HAPPINESS

Why happiness matters!

‘The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation.’ Everyone wants to be happy, yet many are not.

I recently read about an organization called Action for Happiness whose mission is to bring happiness to the world. It’s really a ‘movement for positive social change bringing together people from all walks of life who want to play a part in creating a happier society for everyone.’

I was completely taken with its mission as it’s so closely aligned with the purpose of The ACADEMi of Life; so I joined the movement. Once you join the movement, the ten keys to happiness (GREAT DREAM) below are shared. You will also get a set of personal aspirations for life.

TEN KEYS TO A HAPPIER LIFE

Giving – Do things for others
Relating – Connect with people
Exercising – Take care of your body
Appreciating – Notice the world around
Trying out – Keep learning new things

Direction – Have goals to look forward to
Resilience – Find ways to bounce back
Emotion – Take a positive approach
Acceptance – Be comfortable with who you are
Meaning – Be part of something bigger

On their site (www.actionforhappiness.org) I found an iPhone app called Mappiness, used to track your happiness. It is a part of a research project at the London School of Economics. I downloaded the app and use it to track and submit my happiness data on a daily basis.

I am thrilled and excited that this organization exists to serve as the focal point for a fundamental shift in cultural values. We need social enterprises like Action for Happiness and The ACADEMi of Life to bring together groups of like-minded people who will commit themselves to try to produce more happiness in the world and less misery. I remain confident that we can create a society in which people feel better inside themselves – where they are happier.

Dalai Lama: “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

LOVE

WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?

As we enter a month usually focused on our relationships with others, take a moment to remember the importance of your relationship with yourself.

Who can help us understand love, love of self and others, better than the courageous, funny and self-deprecating author Elizabeth Gilbert. This award-winning writer and NYT bestselling author (EAT, PRAY, LOVE – A story of self-discovery and COMMITTED – A love story) needs no introduction. Her books are a fascinating meditation on marriage, men, relationships, infatuation, and family, and – ultimately – an enthralling celebration and understanding of love.

So please join us on February 24th, at 7pm at The New York Society for Ethical Culture as The ACADEMi of Life presents An Evening in Conversation with Elizabeth Gilbert.

Here are a few things you probably don’t know about her.

  • She is an expert on men.
  • She impersonated a man for a week for an article she was writing for GQ magazine.
  • She worked as a bartender at a bar named Coyote Ugly Salon on NY’s lower east side.
  • She wrote an article for GQ magazine on her bartending experience which later became the movie Coyote Ugly.
  • She met her future husband in the Coyote Ugly Salon.
  • Her first book was a short story collection called PILGRIMS, which was a finalist for the PEN/Hemingway award.
  • EAT, PRAY, LOVE was translated into over thirty languages and sold over 10 million copies.
  • Her TED talk on Creativity is one of the most watched.
  • In 2008, Time Magazine named her one of the 100 most influential people in the world.

Here are a few powerful nuggets from her recent book Committed

  • Infatuation the most perilous aspect of human desire – that famously distracted state in which you cannot concentrate on anything other than the object of your obsession.
  • People are far more susceptible to infatuation when they are going through delicate or vulnerable times in their lives. The more unsettled and unbalanced we feel, the more quickly and recklessly we are likely to fall in love.
  • Divorce is the second most stressful experience most people will ever undergo in their lives. The emotional havoc that accompanies divorce is often colossal.
  • Part of what makes the experience of divorce so dreadful is the emotional ambivalence.
  • It can be difficult, if not impossible, for many divorced people ever to rest in a state of pure grief, pure anger, or pure relief when it comes to feelings about one’s ex-spouse.
  • All human beings have failings, so to be fully seen by somebody, and to be loved anyhow-this is a human offering that can border on the miraculous.
  • Marriage, childbearing and child rearing are personal, complicated and generally ambivalent decisions.
  • Childless women who are a part of the ‘Auntie Brigade’ should be honored and celebrated for they often take upon themselves the task of nurturing those who are not their official biological responsibility.
  • If you honestly want a society in which people choose their own partners on the basis of personal affection, then you must prepare yourself for the inevitable. There will be broken hearts; there will be broken lives. Exactly because the human heart is such a mystery.

As the big love day approaches, take a moment to ponder this observation: the most important relationship and the greatest love affair you will ever have is the one with self. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Don’t miss this candid modern dialogue with Elizabeth Gilbert on these very important topics. Details http://bit.ly/fUnTC5