For the Families, Loved Ones and Caregivers
How exciting! You see a profound change in the behaviour, outlook, and energy of your ‘crazy friend’. With every fibre of your being you wish, hope, and pray that this time, the change is for good. However, there is more than a sliver of doubt and worry in your heart.
If you act based on fear, you will definitely make your life and the awakening of your friend much more difficult indeed. Nobody is saying you must blindly trust every action and intention of someone new in recovery. Nevertheless, allow their baby steps or leaps towards improvement as firm, credible steps.
The old adage you reap what you sow is very true. If you approach this situation with fear and treat this person with kid gloves and like a child, you are not leaving them room to grow. Accountability and uncomfortability are in fact platforms for growth. If your actions are fear based, you are laying the groundwork for your fears, and worse, to allow them to come to fruition.
An example of this is being too scared to tell your loved one that they are not doing well at a given moment. You might think it is better to spare their feelings and tell them that they are doing great, when in fact they are struggling. This is a fear-based action.
How can this possibly have a positive outcome? By lying to them you are denying them a chance to calibrate their internal compass. By not speaking your truth, you are strengthening their ego, making fooling themselves much easier.
Of course, you only have the power to change your own actions, not another persons. Yet you can lay down hostile or fertile ground for the person in recovery. It is also akin to putting down soil just for roses, then planting corn and expecting a bountiful rose harvest.
We as human beings are so accustomed to resistance and anguish, to change the status quo requires serious levels of awareness. You might have to step outside of yourself and look at situations as an observer, to even notice the negativity. What you don’t realize is you might actually be addicted to the role this person plays in your life. The group dynamic must shift in order to create space for the unit to settle into a new normal.
Identifying the fact we all have a part in creating madness is the only way to break the bonds of suffering.
For all parties involved; don’t be scared of falling into the cesspool of pain. Remember you have had swimming lessons, you are not going to drown. Also, there is a turbojet, hot springs water, massaging, adjustable shower waiting for you, the minute you decide you want to hop out!
Artwork titled “Heart Burst” painted by blog author Nonaine Levy