Reflections – Getting To Know Self
Have you been paying attention to your thoughts and actions? A few years ago, I started paying attention to my thoughts. I couldn’t believe what was going on in my head! I felt guilty about my thoughts. I attributed those thoughts to who I am and I was not happy with myself. What kind of person am I? I questioned. After I got over the shock of, what the heck, I began to notice some of my thoughts were bizarre, random, didn’t reflect how I really feel. They had nothing to do with how I live my life. Then I got it, my thoughts are not who I am.
The next thing I did was observe my actions. Have you ever seen ants when you pour water on them, scurrying away in a hurry? That’s what my actions reminded me of. I was always in a hurry. Get in the bathroom, 10 seconds later, I am wondering what time it is. I am brushing my teeth wondering what I am going to have for breakfast, what I am going to wear, what time is it, again, what’s the weather like outside, any and everything that has nothing to do with the simple act of brushing my teeth. I noticed, when I am doing something, I am usually not paying attention to what I am doing. So, I started paying attention to how I feel when doing the thing I am actually doing. Talk about interesting. When I paid attention I noticed a lot of interesting things.
I started by paying attention when I brush my teeth. Well, not everyday but when I do pay attention, I notice if I am brushing in a circular movement, up and down or side to side. I notice how the brush feels on my gums. I notice if the grime comes off easily. Does the brush glide over my teeth or do I have to put a little more effort to get food stuck between them? I notice the smell of whatever I am brushing my teeth with.
Along with noticing comes a sense of calmness. I am calmer because the only thing I am thinking of is brushing my teeth – all the other thoughts that usually invade my mind are gone. Instead of robotically going through the motions of brushing my teeth, when I have no other thoughts besides brushing my teeth, my senses become alive. I am more observant, focused, engaged even fascinated by the things that happen when I brush my teeth. I pay attention to me and only me in those few moments while I care for, a part of me. I am relaxed. I experience what I am doing instead of just doing it. I feel grounded. I am where I am, and no place else.
So, now, when I remember, I pay attention to my thoughts and my actions. When I notice those crazy thoughts I let them go, without guilt; and when I am not paying attention to what I am doing, I slow down and pay attention.
